Swallow Daddy's
“Comedians” Drew Bock and RJ Sains meet up each week to say the dumbest things imaginable. No structure, no rules, no corporate sponsorships. If you like JRE or Flagrant, Kill Tony or Club Random; you will hate every minute of this podcast.
Swallow Daddy's
EP #106: Jazzi Salute
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Ruin your family. Your wife will never look at you the same. She'll be never quite something won't feel right when you're inside of her.
SPEAKER_05:It's so devastating when you reveal a part of yourself on podcasts. Me? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:What are you talking about? This is how you feel about your aspirations that if you can't achieve it, then everyone around you will fold like a complete chair. No, no. No, no.
SPEAKER_02:This is this is not This is a projection I can't I could not have anticipated.
SPEAKER_04:No, no, this is how this is not how I feel about my aspirations. This is how I feel about your aspirations. I know, I know, I know. Yeah, yeah. Not mine. I'm fine. I don't my stakes are very low stakes.
SPEAKER_02:I know, I know. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Low stakes. I can't.
SPEAKER_04:No kids, no.
SPEAKER_03:But you're what I'm saying is you're you're saying when you don't you're worried because when you have high stakes, that's what will happen to you. Uh no, I will achieve what I set out to achieve. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a totally different situation.
SPEAKER_02:I won't even you won't even put yourself in that situation.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, no, I will. You'll have already made it before you would have these high stakes. I'm already, yeah, I'm already at uh I'm in the stratosphere right now. Yeah, there's a spiritually, you know. There's a bit, uh I don't know if you hear the show Peacemaker.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, is it any good?
SPEAKER_03:I like it. I like it. Who's the guy? Kid Rock? What's his name? James Gunn. James Gunn. John Cena is the lead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I get Kid Rock and John Cena mixed up.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. John Cena really nails the crap out of it. Uh I think he's a great character, very dynamic. And one of the things that that happens in the show is there's this chick, she's kind of this rough and tumble, like kind of take no shit, you know, FBI baddie.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And uh she gets like diagnosed with toxic masculinity from her therapist, and she's like, shut the fuck off, you have no idea what you're talking about. That's so funny. And like then she like goes on a bender and like kick beats the shit out of like eight dudes at a bar. That's not bad.
SPEAKER_05:And she's like all like bloodied and bandaged up, and she's like at CVS the next day, like looking through like some bandages, and some poor old woman's like, um, excuse me, like I just wanted you to know, like, you don't have to stay in these systems of violence if you don't want to.
SPEAKER_02:Like, there are people who can help and support you, like, you don't have to be with someone who hurts you. And this chick's like, Look, lady, I'm not a fucking mirror, okay? Like, I don't have the same story as you. Get out of here. That's not what you think. I got in a fight.
SPEAKER_03:Shut the fuck up. Yeah. So that's that's how I feel sometimes talking to you. Oh, gosh. That was a long walk. I thought you were just narrating the episode for me.
SPEAKER_02:I just want to let you know what happened last week, though.
SPEAKER_03:And then what happened, and then what happened. And then Peacethinker got an eagle. No, I just wanted to let you know how I feel sometimes talking to you.
SPEAKER_04:It's all good. Yeah. Um, well, good.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, because you you think you you love to let me know how I should feel about my life.
SPEAKER_04:No, not should. Uh I think of how you're afraid to feel.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:That's all I'm saying.
SPEAKER_03:All the above. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:It's uh it's the fear you hide.
SPEAKER_03:You're letting me know how my feelings should work.
SPEAKER_04:No. I would never let you know how your feelings should work. I'm just telling you to not be afraid. Don't be afraid of fear. Hey, don't be afraid of uh your fear of failure. Yeah, don't be don't be afraid of fear. You know, be afraid of fear. That's what they say. I think that was I think that was uh Yeah, I think that was Santa Claus that said that. Never be afraid of fear.
SPEAKER_05:You've never ripped a blue fora before, brother?
SPEAKER_04:It's yeah, I I I have.
SPEAKER_05:This is so good.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, there's so much sugar in it, though.
SPEAKER_05:No, wait. What do you Okay Yes? Uh fuck 28 grams of sugar.
SPEAKER_03:The other ones are like three.
SPEAKER_04:Uh none none of your gas station ones. The mint one also has 28 grams, too.
SPEAKER_03:Really? I thought Peach Revival was like three.
SPEAKER_04:Uh yeah, but you don't have there's there's no peach revival at the No, I just went to this other one that I I had all the flavors.
SPEAKER_03:They had all six flavors. What gas station has all six flavors? Down Beach Beach. Beach Beach? Beach Beach. What does that even mean? Beach Beach? Down that way? North. North North? Yeah, I was coming from 22. Oh, wow. So coming down south. Yeah, nice. Stop by this other place, much nicer.
SPEAKER_05:Very, very well lit and lotta options. So got one of these.
SPEAKER_04:Nice.
SPEAKER_05:Well, and I I honestly I never had blue for you before.
SPEAKER_04:They're very good.
SPEAKER_03:And you know what I say about uh 21st century artificial flavoring? Blue is best. Yeah. Blue is yeah across the board. Best in the West. Lollipops, blue. Pop Tarts, blue. Because the blue doesn't give you autism. Gatorade, blue. Because red gives you autism.
SPEAKER_05:Everything gives you bl blotism.
SPEAKER_04:And that sugar will give us blobtism eventually.
SPEAKER_03:They said circumcision gives you autism. Oh, I remember that.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, so you tell me every every Jew's tell me every Jew's retarded?
SPEAKER_02:I bet before I can't I hit I hit the side of the button.
SPEAKER_03:I'm off by just a millisecond. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I'm so excited to hit the stylinol, it's circumcision. Yeah, and I guess he's yeah, I guess he's like, yeah, the the you know, you know these kids, they can't, you know, they can't uh wipe their own dicks and they can't come in their own asses and they can't eat and make their own mac and cheese, and we're ruining, we're ruining these kids with this stuff, you know. Which I'm like, maybe, maybe he's right. Hi, here's the thing, here's here's my take. He's right, and we don't care. Good. That's the problem. The problem about RFK is he's managed to build this perfect image about being he's probably right about a lot of things, but he's managed to present it in a way to where it forces us not to give a fuck about anything that he's saying.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:It's hard.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and I'm trying truly to think of some any vehicle, any vessel, any person that could deliver this message in a way that we would care. I think just because of the state of disarray that our country is in, our world and where we are right now as a as a people, this information is invalid. I think I think Zoron, if he talked about it, I think we would listen. He was like, listen, they're chock chopping off those baby cocks and it's making them retarded. Well, hear me out. Like, do you know when you're like you're you're like, I want to restart my computer? Yes. Like everything's shutting down. And it's like, hey, there's the word file that says like taxes from mom. Do you want to sure you want to close it up?
SPEAKER_02:It's like fucking close it.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah. We don't care anymore about these these last little close it up. Yeah. Just shut it down. We're done.
SPEAKER_02:We're d I don't need these these last minute messages about oh, maybe because you were circumcised in 1992, you have a touch of the tiz. Yeah. Hey, newsflash, brother.
SPEAKER_05:I've been mainlining Legos and I can't stop thinking about Star Wars for the last 30 years.
SPEAKER_03:I got the tiz, brother.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Yeah. Probably, you know. I don't know. I don't know. It's uh Yeah, I don't I just don't care. I I I just there's too much stuff going on, so I just I can't I can't care about any of it.
SPEAKER_05:I I think that's how the media conglomerate works. If you're listening to this podcast, you know first and foremost, we are a heavy uh media complex uh phil philosoph philosophy forward podcast. The media wants to throw as much information at you at once.
SPEAKER_03:Why? To one, desensitize, two, distract, and to three, duck off. Duck the fuck off. Yeah, exactly. No, I was gonna say uh uh uh doink doink you. Yeah. What'd I say? A distract uh uh disarray disillusion uh I don't know I lost it you lost me with your fucking stupid I don't know but it's yeah I mean Don't cut me off XM. I was gonna do a big bit. I was gonna do a big three D's and I lost it. And it was a really funny D. Was the D gonna be really funny? No. Oh, it's gonna be serious? Yeah. I was doing a serious point about how you've been desensitized. Oh, desensitized, disillusioned. Third one, uh, Drew Bach.
SPEAKER_05:Hey. Are you happy with that? Does that make you happy?
SPEAKER_03:Is that better? No. No? Start it again. Okay.
SPEAKER_04:Come on, dumbass. Welcome to the Swallow Daddies podcast. Oh my goodness, we are here. Like, comment, subscribe. Sorry this podcast came out late. RJ just keeps It's not late. Oh, this one's gonna be on time.
SPEAKER_03:Sorry, Drew has nothing to do with production, has no idea what this is. You were telling me that it's gonna be late today, but uh no, the one that's already been the one that's already been going.
SPEAKER_04:So we're sorry for last week.
SPEAKER_00:Um It was out barely later.
SPEAKER_04:RJ was out RJ was out with On a Bender.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, just just we just donk and Pollocks. And triple shots of a naho. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_04:And triple shots of a naho. Yeah, you were you were out there, but anyway, so yeah, we're we're here and we're alive, and thanks for keep listening. And and uh thanks for keep listening.
SPEAKER_03:Now, could you take it again a little more genuine and excited for our listeners at home? Thank you guys. You'd be the worst like CVS cashier of all time. I'm a pretty good CVS cashier. Guaranteed. Did I tell you I'd been working at CVS? I'd hope. All right, you're ready for what? Uh ready for uh CVS cashier voice. All right. Hey guys, thanks so much for subscribing. Uh like, comment, share. We love you. God bless you, honestly. We're having so much fun doing this every week for you. Does it feel disingenuous to you? Yes, deeply. And everyone at home would agree. And first of all, CVS cashiers don't talk like podcasts.
SPEAKER_01:That's you get that thing. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Sorry, I tried to I tried to blend the two. I should have just gone straight CVS. Yeah, they're like, Welcome to well, welcome to CVS fam. Oh, we out here. Get your goldfish, get your body wash, get your hemorrhoid cream. Yeah, get your get your G1. Yeah, exactly. You fucking fat ass. Yeah, it's uh What was that? What was that one? The hot the hot girls always hustle an energy drink. What was it? Bang energy. You remember that? Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_04:That's one of my jazz licks. Every doink thought it was like bang.
SPEAKER_03:Was that one of your jazz lecks? Yeah. Yeah. Still is. Bang energy. What's the I like how it's it's so it's such a throwaway. I started uh I would I always uh I love using amp energy as throw crazy. It's the Mountain Dew, right? That's the Mountain Dew energy drink? No. Is it a subsidiary subsidiary of Coca-Cola? Subsidiary of Coca-Cola? And brother, everything's a subsidiary. It's not a type of Mountain Dew or whatever. AMP is the Mountain Dew energy drink. No, is it really? I don't think energy is a completely different thing. The font threw me, brother. Oh, really? I'm glad you remember. Yes. Yes. Yeah, fonts are important. I font to suck your blood. Come on now. Is this thing on? I want a fonta. I want no font. Oh yeah, like Fanta. Okay. Stupid.
SPEAKER_04:Uh Fantum Bride. Come on now. How's your blue fora?
SPEAKER_03:Again, like I was saying, blue for it.
SPEAKER_04:It's an all it's an alt-universe euphoria uh TV show, but they never come.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, this just tastes like uh Zendaya's happiness.
SPEAKER_04:It's it's if Zendaya never got to come. No. Well, blue balls. Okay, sure. I sh I told you I I I'd said that in seven episodes already that I gave uh uh a latte to Zendaya, Zendaya, and I didn't know who she was.
SPEAKER_03:She was dressed in a dune scarf, and then I I couldn't I was like And you were like, oh sorry, sensei Dumigato, I mean Origato, I mean origami.
SPEAKER_05:I mean, what you gotta want to fucking mean?
SPEAKER_03:Tamagotchi, listen. Um here's your caramel macchiato, sensei.
unknown:Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And she's like, this is deeply offensive. She had resting dune face. You uh resting dune face. That's a good that might be podcast tech to contender. Yeah, the resting dune face. Which is what? Just like just those fucking eyes looking out the same.
SPEAKER_05:I'm gonna have to bleep all this out, but I will bleep it out just to be funny.
SPEAKER_03:It's just deeply offensive. What? It's not offensive at all. Doing the call to prayer while covering your mouth. It's a fake universe with fake people. Those are fake races. I'm joking, but it is I'm gonna bleep it out. You should bleep it out.
SPEAKER_01:It's gonna sound like I'm just saying slurs.
SPEAKER_03:It's gonna sound like anything. It's gonna sound like a bleach. It's gonna look, it's gonna appear as if it will appear as if you do heinous things, which I do not agree. Yeah, yeah. We'll talk about it after.
SPEAKER_05:No, resting Dune face, you you do be getting that from your gal when you drink out of the milk carton.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Do you drink out of the milk carton? I have. No, that's not good. But I'm like a firm, like, I will like no lip touchy, like birdie, milk carton, nothing goes back in. I feel like women like when we're a little barbaric, you know. You gotta be a little bit of an oaf. You gotta be a little bit of a nasty, clug, you gotta be like shitting on her floor and stuff, like to let her know. Oh, yeah. Because if if you're if you're like too much of like a clean If you're a serial killer, then she's like if you're cleaner than her, and then she feels gross. So you gotta like you gotta like pick your nuts and pick your- Even more than that, she doesn't trust you. Yeah, you gotta eat your own. You have to be you have to be a little gross. Ooga booga, yeah. You know. What's my go-to? Fart in her mouth. Lee, I mean, bare minimum. You always leave your clothes on the ground. Yeah. Cause I'm a fucking Cause I'm a fucking guy.
SPEAKER_05:Dude, bro.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Dudes don't pick up their own fucking clothes, eh? No, I mean, even if I do, it's at the end of the month. You have a month's worth of clothes in the bathroom. Your bathroom is just clothes?
SPEAKER_05:No, it's just like loose underwear and shirts that I think I'm gonna wear again for the second time.
SPEAKER_04:You should never wear underwear for the second time again.
SPEAKER_05:I no, no, no, again, sorry. It's loose underwear, comma, and shirts, but it's not the two things that are.
SPEAKER_03:But are the loose underwear touching the shirts? Oh yeah. You got shit pissed dick underwear rubbing up against your cardigan? Shit pissed, sperm, underwear, all sperm blood donor, plasma. Sperm blood, uh micromium, yeah, exactly. Blue fora all over my shirts.
SPEAKER_04:Blue fora all over them.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and I don't care.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I'll wear them again because if the shirts inside out, no one can see.
SPEAKER_04:Do you put your shirts inside out?
SPEAKER_05:Uh, when I take them off in a hurry.
SPEAKER_03:You ever been there, fellas? You take off a shirt too fast, guess what? That's an inside out shirt. Uh-oh. What are you gonna do about that? Leave it this leave it to be. Leave it to be, don't touch. Don't touch it. Don't think about it. Leave it alone. And then when you're ready, when you're ready, flip it. Do the fucking neck and you just You ever grab her by the neck? No, yeah. You ever be grabbing your gal by the neck and just flip her inside out? You just rip her fucking spine out, Mortal Kombat style. Exactly. Yeah, and yeah, no, I uh scream fatality when you come in your woman. Yes. Yes. I in my mind. When when you when she's eating when you when she in like fucking like, you know. We haven't done that guy in a while. Yeah, I know. Where's he at? I don't know. He's a CVS guy. He's he is um when you like um get one or two more blue floreas. Which you type in your like fucking phone number, you get discounts on your Arminhammer. And like fucking um, you know, um check out check, please.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Manager to register nine, manager like fucking manager register to fund a nine.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, the Martian Martian bit. So deep in the bit. If we all knew how to commit like that, kid, we probably would have made it in this town by now.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Just really get lost in it. Have you given up on making it? Uh no. Have you? I'm thinking about giving up on making it. Okay.
SPEAKER_04:And then we just we just we do this podcast full force, ten clips a day. And then we just we just build a build an empire from this garage.
SPEAKER_03:I'm open to that. Mark Marin style. Yeah, get President Barack Obama on here. Get get Barack Hussein Obama here. Problem. I can't do it. Did you listen to the last podcast that Marin did? Uh no, I saw a clip.
SPEAKER_04:I yeah. Where Obama was like, I actually like Joe Rogan. And Marin's like, yeah. Yeah, it's good to have an honest conversation sometimes.
SPEAKER_06:Like he just folded immediately.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, no, I'd love to be on.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Just folded. No, I don't know. I just I I got that from a clip, and that was Well, I see that all the time too.
SPEAKER_05:Like, and and this is something that this is why I genuinely like be doing a podcast with someone who will push back on any of my bullshit is so oftentimes the dynamic is on a podcast, you have a host, you have a guest. Typically, one of the two people just wants to impress the other one, right? So what ends up happening is even if in the episode prior, person A goes, Yeah, no, the whole Israeli-Palestinian thing, like I think fucking, you know, we should just just cut off all aid to Israel, like a hundred percent. Next podcast, someone comes on and goes, Well, you know, like I think it's good that we stand with our allies, and that's why I support Israel.
SPEAKER_03:Like, yeah, I know me too. Yeah, like instant fold. Well, it's because it's like, I guess you're just finding like, is it worth getting into this?
SPEAKER_04:Like, I'm sure Marin, it was truly just, I don't want to get into this with Obama. There are important things to talk about.
SPEAKER_03:Right, but that's my point. Like, I like I understand that. Like, if that was the only thing that had ever happened about that conversation for Marin. That's how Obama knew him. He only knew him from the Rogan Marin beef. No, no, no, no. Opposite. If that's never even been in the zeitgeist.
SPEAKER_04:Marin, no.
SPEAKER_03:Marin never had any beef with Rogan. Marin had any beef with the the Alti comic bros. But Baron was having beef. Did I send you that, dude? No. Dude, my my freaking my freaking Twitter he's like an interdimensional time traveler. Yes. Motherfucker, I sent you that. Yes, yes. I've been talking about it. Unbelievable. You tried to steal meme valor? I thought that you sent it to me. No, no, no. See, that's what I did send it to you. Yeah, no, no. I thought that was. No, I thought you didn't send it to me. You're kind of lying right now. Why would I lie about this? Stealing stealing meme valor is good. Dude, I get so many fucking things sent to me, especially from you. In a given day, I could get 20 things sent to me, and I'm like, I don't got it. I gotta I gotta wait. Because I don't get me wrong, I want to give you the time to say that I watch them all. So I don't look at them until I'm ready to to goon all 20. Nice. Good for you. I'm respon I know how to be responsible with my screen time. It's goon compartment compartmentalization. I can stop at four o'clock. I go, this'll be good at 10 when I have time to myself, and I'm outside, I got a little bit of weed. Just boom, just go through them all.
SPEAKER_04:You're goon batching. You just find times to batch your goon.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, GBs. Yeah. I got my GBatch. That's GBCs. That's it. That's people, yeah, it's a smart thing to do. Yeah. So anyways, yeah, so the video, it's perfect podcasting. I cannot tell if they're right. I think it's written in the stuff.
SPEAKER_04:It seems real. I think they actually believe it, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:That he's an interdimensional time traveler and well dude, Baron's like so, so so crazy, dude. Like, I mean, because he comes from the future and he like played I don't remember the theory because he's like the present, future, and past.
SPEAKER_04:And actually, if you look at historical books, there are depictions of Baron going back in time to save certain parts of humanity, and he's going to save humanity now and only to like create like an intergalactic ladder to the to the beyond dimension or whatever the fuck, you know.
SPEAKER_03:Oh my god. It's just crazy old, yeah. Which is And the guy's like, Whoa, that's crazy. This is like no comedy. Like, wow. Wow. I didn't know. Well, that's yeah, exactly. That's I just want to be that guy too. Because like, was he the host or was he the guest? Because like either way.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Some of those podcasts you can't tell who the host and who the guest is. They're just all it's just, it's just it's just uh right.
SPEAKER_03:But that's kind of my point too.
SPEAKER_05:Like, if if Mark Marin never had any beef with Rogan in the last six months, and then you know, uh Barack brings it up, we we hear that Mark going, Oh yeah, no, I'd love to be, you know, on Rogan's podcast or whatever. Like just an agreeable answer, no big deal. I don't think twice about it.
SPEAKER_03:But because of all the stuff previously, and then now that podcast happens, I go, You're fucking lying. Like you're not being true to yourself.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:And even if obviously you're right, like it's not worth getting into it with Obama over this kind of an issue. Well, we had kind of a beef.
SPEAKER_03:I got mad at Tony Henchcliffe and called out everybody on the internet. Yeah, but I think that that's but I think that's also the the problem is like where would he even start? You know? That's where he would start. He's like, where do I even start? He's like, he's like, yeah, he's he's yeah, he's gonna have to like try to explain to Obama what kill Tony is. It's just there's just no fucking universe where that should ever exist. You know, you're telling me I uh brought healthcare to this great nation, and people still sign up for one minute of stage time a week. Yeah, exactly. Well, Jordan Peterson uh critiques them on their comedy.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah. It's pretty crazy. It's uh it's uh yeah, but I don't know. I'll maybe I'll I'll listen to the episode. I again I'm a big fan of Marin. He's the he's the best, you know.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, not anymore. What happened? He turned into the towel. What do you mean?
SPEAKER_03:When America needs the most, you saying I'm done with the podcast? What is he? He's not Jon Stewart. He's just doing he's just doing his thing. Okay, so why stop? He's obviously not having fun anymore. Well, that's a good reason to stop.
SPEAKER_05:I agree.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. I just didn't know, like, again, like if you're so great, why stop? We made him great. That's the problem about this whole thing.
SPEAKER_04:Is people greatness comes from other people being like, oh, that's great. He doesn't think he's great.
SPEAKER_03:Okay. That's him thing. He's he shouldn't think he's great. Why not? Michael Jordan did. Yeah, and he's a piece of shit who killed his father, allegedly. What the hell? That's OJ. No, no, no, no. That's you haven't heard that consp that conspiracy? This is crazy. I've never heard of it.
SPEAKER_04:This is not a real this is not this is not far-fetched. Yeah, he he got into some gambling debt and his dad like mysteriously died. Like he owed some like like millions and millions of dollars, and like, alright, we're gonna fucking kill your dad.
unknown:What?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, he's also like an ego man.
SPEAKER_03:You saw that that's a easily competitive competitive, prideful company. Compredatory. Yeah, he's he's a he's a sick fuck, that guy. That is he's compredatory. Compredatory for sure. Uh but yeah, it's everything about him is is is off putting. But great. But he is great. And he knows he's great. Yeah, but there's a lot of- I'm not saying that there isn't a bad thing. John Steinbeck is great. I don't think he knows he's great. Uh no. I think there is a level of I think Like again, you so again to my point, you can be great and not acknowledge it. You cannot be great and not acknowledge it. That's what I'm saying, but we're getting off that the topic. We're like, you go, well, if you're so great, then why don't you keep doing the podcast? What kind of argument is that? He's got good he's got good stuff. Obviously, if he doesn't like it, then don't do it, but I think you should keep going.
SPEAKER_04:It's just such a lazy opinion to have, you know? How is it lazy?
SPEAKER_03:Because you're like, well, you're like, well, if he thinks he's so fucking great, then why is he not gonna do it? I didn't say if he thinks that I go, he is good, why does he stop?
SPEAKER_04:Because he doesn't want to do it anymore. Okay, that's fine.
SPEAKER_03:Great. Then that's a great conversation, huh? It is. Yeah, it is. I think he should quit. Oh, good take. I think he should because he's worked hard enough, he's given us the world. Yeah, I just feel like hasn't he given you enough, RJ? That's what I'm saying. No. Why? Because right now we're at a point in history we want so much shitty content. There's so much bad content, including maybe probably what you're listening to right now. Oh, of course. Not that last two minutes, that was really good content. What? To cut us to where we are now. What? What, do you not like it? I now you're making me insecure. No, everything we did was bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did bad together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not alone in this. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You should not feel insecure. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not insecure. I'm insecure in my telling you that you shouldn't feel insecure. Like, I'm not sure if I should be telling you you shouldn't feel insecure. There's so much shit content out there. That's a good point. Is like it's why quit but also, yeah, I don't know.
SPEAKER_05:If there's again, going back to the Michael Jordan thing, if there's only ten Michael Jordan podcasters out there and one goes away, there's now a million shitty podcasters and nine good podcasters.
SPEAKER_03:Like we just need more good than than shit. Yeah. So that people know what to do. Because when all the good goes away, no one has any But the shit discourages the people that are great at the thing and they go, What the fuck is the point? No one's even listening to this shit. Yeah, sometimes, but then you just you know keep your nose to the grindstone and fucking Then again, maybe they don't even pay. I don't even think Marin even knows what's going on in the world. You think Marin knows who the Klein boys are? Wait, is that who I'm thinking of? Ethan Klein? No, no, the Klein boy? Who are those guys that the Paul Brothers? Oh, the the Klein. You got you you fucking uh mentally dyslexic their their name. Yeah. The Nelk Boys? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're they're actually wait, full stop.
SPEAKER_02:The Klein Boys are actually a real comedy duo.
SPEAKER_03:Really? They'll never like Crackerjack, like talk about Secret Old. And now the menstrual show.
SPEAKER_05:Everyone, I don't I'm not gonna bleep out their name. You can look them up. These guys are crazy. Are they cool? Uh no. I think they're kind of weird. They kind of scare me.
SPEAKER_04:They gotta be pretty cool though.
SPEAKER_05:Uh I'm having trouble finding them on the internet, and that's the other weird thing. They don't really have like a good internet. Yeah, presence. No, it's they're not even I think it's under those Klein boys. I don't know. This is taking too long to figure out. All that being said, I found it. Okay.
SPEAKER_03:This is this is them. Yeah. Are they doing like uh music rap? Wow. They are cool.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, it's like uh what if Lynn Manuel Miranda came from a upper middle class uh Orange County home and was white and deeply homeschooled.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Deeply homoschooled.
SPEAKER_05:Uh hey, look, they could they could be asexual. I don't I'm not here to read their sexuality. I'm here to tell you that these these two dudes never went to a public high school. That would have gotten beaten out of them.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_03:That's one of the beauties of like people tell I can't look at this again. You're just getting sucked in over there. I'm getting I'm just getting sucked in. Dude, and I'll tell you. The climb boys are clarking over there. Yeah, yeah. I'm getting Caitlyn Clarked over here. I I say what you will about homeschool, you know?
SPEAKER_05:Like people are like, oh, it's bad for you. Social development. I've seen it firsthand. I went to a Christian college, and there were plenty of kids that had only ever done homeschool in California or outside of California their entire lives. Entire lives. Through high school, homeschooled. There was a girl in my freshman writing seminar class who and again, freshman writing seminar, there's ten kids and a professor in like a small room, like going over like MLA in Chicago format, just you know, syntax, grammar, bullshit, you know, articles, write a page on this, do this.
SPEAKER_03:And at the end of class, the professor would be like, okay, so just uh just do a quick uh you know, one page, answer these three questions from the textbook, and then uh, you know, just do a creative writing, like whatever something that's like you feel passionate about just today, just write about that for for two pages.
SPEAKER_05:And this girl without fail every day. Oh, really?
SPEAKER_02:Oh I was like, Ew.
SPEAKER_04:That's so awesome.
SPEAKER_02:What's fucking wrong with you?
SPEAKER_04:Oh, that's so awesome.
SPEAKER_02:And you knew that she was like so close to being like, mom, like she was right there.
SPEAKER_04:It's amazing. I'd love to date a girl like that.
SPEAKER_01:Oh no, dude. No.
SPEAKER_04:She's like, I gotta go get some gas.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, really? Come on. Gas? You don't need gas. No.
SPEAKER_02:Wait, I don't know understand why that's cool to you. What do you mean? A woman that whines and complains every time you do anything.
SPEAKER_03:Because I'm joking, RJ. It's a bit. Oh, okay. It's a good bit. Okay. I didn't really get why it's funny that you're joking about it though.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, you have to come. Oh man, come on, me. You wanna fuck my tits, mom? What? Oh you wanna eat my asshole again, mom? Oh no.
SPEAKER_03:No, don't freeze your poop and then shove it in me.
SPEAKER_01:No, not a break I burrity, right?
SPEAKER_03:Uh shove wait, that's what's that called? That's like a Alaskan pint. Like a Nigerian icicle? Yeah. Either or. Yeah. One's in the freezer. Alaska. One's left outside to freeze. Yeah, exactly. Speaking of getting gas. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:So on Sunday, I was driving the family van, and I must again, I'm pretty good at gas gauge.
SPEAKER_03:Pretty good at gas gauge. Uh-oh. I'll preface it with that. Oh no. Pretty good art is tall. Pretty good is foreshadowing for at one point in the story we'd run out. Tall tale science. If you're saying pretty good, no. TTS? Talltale signs? Yeah, tall tail signs. TTS. Talltale science. You're terrible with a gas gauge. Okay, wrong, Jay. Yeah, pretty good means you should never be pretty good. Ask me how many times I've run out of gas. You can't be a pretty good astronaut. You have to be an amazing astronaut, right? This is a car, dumbass. Yeah, a car that requires gas, and then if you run out, you're fucked. And how many times have I run out of gas? Seven. And eight. And never. Never until today. I thought I saw it.
SPEAKER_05:I didn't see it. Then I look at it, I go, okay, we got the light on. I got X amount of miles. I'm good. We'll go to my parents. We'll come home. I'll drop the kids off. I'll get gas later at night. I've done it a bajillion times. I'm fucking fine. I'm coming home. Coming down the freeway. Instantly off the freeway. Instantly down the side of the street. Down to our house. I'm making a turn. Power steering goes out. And I go, uh oh. And my wife's like, what's wrong? I'm like, the power steering just went out. She's like, what does that mean? Like, I think I'm running out of gas.
SPEAKER_03:And she's like, seriously? And I'm like, yeah. And I barely just turn it into our street. And I'm just parked. And I just flip on the emergency flashers and I'm on the side of the road. And she's like, like that road back over there. Like literally just like right there. Like as soon as you get in.
SPEAKER_02:Which, which mind you, any foot before that, any like literal yard before that would be way worse if the car dies. Easy with the hand.
SPEAKER_03:Thank you.
SPEAKER_02:Jaws hands. Which, by the way, that's a great save. If you're in this range, turn it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:You can really scare the shit out of a lot of people.
SPEAKER_00:It's the Jazza Jaz hands. The the uh Jaz S Sans.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I can't believe it took me, whatever, six months since the Elon hello to come up with.
SPEAKER_01:Could have saved it. Poor Moss.
SPEAKER_05:I'm freaking uh some some better Jewish comic than I must have thought of that by now. Anyways, run I guess. Side of the road. Turn an RFK. My wife goes, so what's the plan?
SPEAKER_03:Because the all the kids were asleep in the car, which is great. Great start.
SPEAKER_05:I go, well, I'm gonna fill up the gas can and I'm gonna come back and put it in the car.
SPEAKER_03:She's like, Where are you gonna get a gas can? I'm like, I got one at the house. So I run down the street. You go, you run.
SPEAKER_02:You know I ran.
SPEAKER_03:Like a a light jog. It was a light jog. I was wearing my I was wearing my harachi sandals. Oh no. I look like a fool. You've got shin splints. I know, my my foot's still just in pain. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Get the gas can, get in the other car I have, drive to the gas station, fill her up, get to the car, the van. And I didn't have the nozzle for some reason. So it's just it doesn't quite tilt into the van.
SPEAKER_02:So I'm like pouring, it's just pouring down the side of the cart onto my pants. I'm just like, and I always like, what do you do? I'm like, I just and I try to like huck it. Hug the No. I swear to God, no. She and my wife's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I thought I could, and she and she's like, no, seriously. Like later in retrospect, I'm like, I genuinely thought like I gotta try at least hucking it once.
SPEAKER_03:Like maybe if I can like heave hoe it out, it'll go into it. Just one Honda cord throwing a cigarette out the window to that side of your van, and you're just your whole family's in flames.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, oh, and by the way, at any point in this entire before I was trying to huck it like into the air, like through the gas was so much on the ground that if anyone even like like threw a match out there, went the whole my family would be just extra crispy. In shambles. I yeah, well, I'd be extra crispy, they'd be original recipe.
SPEAKER_05:Uh so I run back to the house, get a funnel, and last ditch, I get a glass mason jar, like maybe. Oh.
SPEAKER_02:So really back. I do the funnel, funnel ain't working, funnel not deep enough, it's spilling all over my leg even more. And I go, last plan C end of ditch effort before I completely just siphon it with my mouth.
SPEAKER_03:Did you have extra gas at home or you went to the gas station? I went to the gas station. I did you not hear the story I just told? I got the can, went to the gas station, came back to the car.
unknown:Okay, gotcha.
SPEAKER_03:And then fucked up. I couldn't get it in, so then I went back to the house. Get a mason jar.
SPEAKER_05:Get a mason jar and a funnel. If the funnel doesn't work, I use the mason jar. Back to the car. Alright. Funnel not working, spilling all over myself again, double soaked in gasoline. Please, no one spark any interest nearby. Then I go, alright, I got one last ditch effort. Fill up the mason jar, take the mason jar.
SPEAKER_03:Straight in. Perfect. Okay. Fucking Michael Winslow over here. That's crazy. Chill out. Do good space work here. Chill out, dude. Get this guy on Byron Allen. Yeah, you know it's back. We were talking about with Allen. Yeah, he's out. I was with two comics the other night who were both on it.
SPEAKER_04:Really?
SPEAKER_02:I'm like, it's just the cosmic simulation of comedy is just rubbing it in my face.
SPEAKER_05:We've done nothing but Byron Allen jokes on this podcast.
SPEAKER_03:More than more than any other running gag.
SPEAKER_04:Well, that's probably why he's not gonna have us on. Because we've just been making fun of it.
SPEAKER_03:No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that's why he's not gonna have us on. Dumbass. We're not repped. We don't know anybody. You don't know that. You're repped. You secret reped. I wanted to reveal something on the podcast. I am repped. I'm actually super repped. By none other than. In in uh freshman year in college in my dorm, I was wrapped. Repped and blessed. No, like.
SPEAKER_01:Oh.
SPEAKER_03:Holy shit. That's good. That went way over my head. Way over your dump. I took an autism assessment test today. So did things go wrong. You took another one? Oh, the bit. Sorry, go on. No, I legitimately did take one. That's crazy. Again, why do you keep taking these things? To excuse yourself for your shitty behavior. Rude. It's not my shitty behavior. How about my shitty reactions to things in the reality? Yep.
SPEAKER_04:No, that's not. It's you behind control of your reactions.
SPEAKER_03:No. That's literally the only thing you're controlling. I'm talking about how things make me feel. I don't like that. You're in control of how you choose to feel. You could feel a thing, and then before you act out, you go, let's think about these feelings before I become fucking. I don't have to explain this to you. Be a lady about it. I'm not being a l Okay, first of all. Do you have to defend being not being a lady? It's not even it's not again. I don't have to explain this. I'm just gonna leave it at this. I don't like how things make me feel, so I don't want to find out what that is. That's it. You yeah, yeah, that's called just being in the world. Yeah, not true.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it is.
SPEAKER_03:Do you ever feel so comfortable you have to leave the room?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, sure. You don't. Absolutely, yeah, because I like hanging out.
SPEAKER_03:Oh my god, you're such a fucking Yeah. It's yeah, that that's just that's just you going arguing with you about it. It's just you going no thing.
SPEAKER_00:I'm not dying to have a thing. I have multiple things.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_03:No, you just you were like circumcised. I'm down in Tylenol, like it's my job. Yeah. I've got red dye up the yeah. You're not autistic at all. You're not even a little bit. That's fine. You're nowhere near the spectrum. If I get an assessment and it comes back, will you respect it? No, because this is just some You won't respect the diagnosis of the document. No, because you're gonna show me the assessment. I'm gonna be like, oh no, you took the uh what House of Harry Potter are you? A doctor. You got a real doctor to give an assessment. Your doctor? Or is this just some like random guy you found on? Did you talk to him on the phone? I haven't even gotten admitted to the process yet. I just sent in an application today. Oh, dude, if they deny your application, which they're not because they make so much money off of this shit. Okay. Yeah, so they're gonna let you go. You're gonna go in there and they're gonna be like, they're gonna find something wrong with you, and then you're gonna make your whole personality for six months and then you're gonna ditch it. That's what it's gonna be. And it's gonna be a waste of money, it's gonna be a waste of time. Again, do I benefit from it at all? No. No. No. Not even a little bit. No, and like Why are you so cynical towards this and jaded? Because I I I'm not j jaded's the wrong word. Whoa, why are you defensive about that?
SPEAKER_04:Because you use the wrong words. Okay. And I don't like that. Why are you cynical?
SPEAKER_03:That doesn't make me autistic because I feel bad about you using the wrong words. It's not true about how words make you feel dumb shit. Now you're getting mad. Yeah, a little bit.
SPEAKER_01:What's going on?
SPEAKER_03:Don't say that. You're getting you really want to be autistic. I don't really want to. I really want to know what the fuck's going on with my mind and body. You're sad. What am I sad about? You don't, you, you get three hours of sleep. Okay, no, no, no. You're not my fucking therapist. Listen, listen, listen.
SPEAKER_04:This is the one time you need to listen to RFK. Is you're not healthy.
SPEAKER_05:Pop tarts, can't eat them every fucking day.
SPEAKER_04:You're eating Pop Tarts.
SPEAKER_05:The brown sugar Pop Tarts are good for you.
SPEAKER_04:You rip gnarly months of caffeine at night. You drink. Listen, listen, listen, listen. And you go, why do I feel bad?
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_04:You're doing bad things to your body every single day. And you're wondering why you feel bad.
SPEAKER_03:No. Yes. Yes, but also no. No why. First of all, listen. The best argument you made this whole podcast about being autistic is you trying to huck gas into your gas tank. As if it's gonna fly out in just a perfect rainbow. I had to try it once. First of all, you should have gone to the gas station and got one with a nozzle in it. I already had one though. You didn't have one with a nozzle. Right, but why would I buy You understand though. Yeah, but that's the whole point of a gas state is to have the thing that the receptacle keeps it from being incredibly dangerous. If you don't have the most important part of the tank, you might be autistic. I think the most important part of the tank is the tank. First of all. If I have the nozzle. They spl clearly you've demonstrated. I think you're a dumbass. You're like, actually, if you if you have the nozzle, you're good. You don't need the tank. But it's useless without it's useless without the fucking nozzle. You showed the fuzz. You poured it all over. I did it without the nozzle. You could have had a did it without the nozzle after caking half your van and gasoline and putting your kids deeply in danger. Huffing gasoline for a half hour. Yeah. Yeah, you know what? I did, but I did it. Wait, are you sure? Because it's supposed to be reversed in the thing. What's supposed to be reversed? The the nozzle. Did you have the one of the fancy ones where you you untwist it and you pull the nozzle out? There was no cap on it. It was no cap? Cap list. No cap on the card.
SPEAKER_05:No cap on gfamforreal.com.
SPEAKER_03:Uh so it was just a hole. Just a hole. Like a mobster just light heaving lighting up the mole. Yeah. You know, in the middle of the desert. In the middle of the street. That's fucking crazy. It worked. It looked from the street view, it probably looked like you were lighting your van on fire.
SPEAKER_01:You're trying to kill a meltdown. Uh just trying to refill the tank, officer. He's like, your daughter's not the tank.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, sir. Why are the kids screaming? Uh well, okay. You might be you might have a thing, and it's not autism. That's fine. Are they gonna be able to tell you what it is? Is it an institute of problems? Yes. And so it might just be OCD. Or bipolar. I don't know. You're not bipolar. I don't know what it is.
SPEAKER_02:I'm saying I'm just saying things.
SPEAKER_03:I know exactly what it is. You're psychotic. I know no.
SPEAKER_02:Because I know exactly what it is.
SPEAKER_03:What's crazy is that you will be you'll be two people at the same time, and this is the worst part of you. This is the worst part of you. Ready? It's not the worst part of it. The wizard is the worst part of you.
SPEAKER_05:You'll be this person who is. Yeah, dude, like we just don't know. Like, we just don't have the information. Like, we just couldn't care and couldn't know. So, like, why would you even bother knowing or caring? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And then, in just a flick of the wrist, flash the pan, you're like, no, definitely, you're not this, you're not that, you're an idiot, you're a moron, and you're a fucking dumbass if you think that you are. Well, because na because this I know about. This is psychotic. Again, again, again. Again. Okay. The face you made was crazy, too. That's another thing. They go, Do you know what faces you make? I go, I have no idea what face I'm making. That's not an autism thing. Apparently it is. No, it's not. Do you know what face you're making right now? Yes, I do. I'm making this one. Not autistic. What are you talking about? I don't know what face I'm making. I yes, you do. I don't know what face I'm making. That doesn't okay.
SPEAKER_02:Again, what is that? I didn't know it was a thing. It was like, do you know what face you're making? Are people oftentimes being like, why are you making that face?
SPEAKER_03:No.
SPEAKER_02:People are like, RJ, why are you making that face?
SPEAKER_03:I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I have that. No, you don't. No, seriously, I had I had a real issue. Like when I was in drum core, like our like our drum captain would be like telling us things, and then they he would like, he's like, Drew, what do you have any questions?
SPEAKER_04:I was like, No. Because I'd be st I'd be staring at him like this.
SPEAKER_01:I'd be like, Yeah, don't do that. To me, I was like, that's my listening face, but I didn't know. I was like, I I hadn't no idea.
SPEAKER_03:And he was like, Drew, what the fuck is your problem? I was like, what? I didn't do it. He's like, drop and give me 20 push-ups. You're being dish. Oh, Jesus. He's like, because clearly you're not bending to my authority. He's like, you're not listening to it. I was like, I didn't do anything. I was like, what did I do? And then my friend who I went to high school with, who I was also in the drum court with, he was like, dude, you your face.
SPEAKER_04:He's like, you want me to show you the face you make? And he just goes. I was like, I don't look like that.
SPEAKER_03:He's like, I promise you that's the face you make. You might have a touch of the tiz. I yeah. Maybe I am autistic.
SPEAKER_02:Can you send me this link? Can you send me the link? Can you send me this link? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I don't, yeah. I think uh I we all got things.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, no, again, I don't even care what it ends up being. I just want to be able to- No, if you find out if you get diagnosed as autistic. You will not respect me as a human. No. Okay, that's fine. And I won't believe you. Like, that's my gay to you. It that's like my 1950s. You will never let me out of the closet. That's my 1950s father gay to you, is if I find out, if you come out, I'm I'm gonna be like, yeah, this is my completely You'll never let me out of the closet. Neurotypical You will never let me out of the Lego box.
SPEAKER_05:I'll let You'll never let me out of the uh I'll never let your fingers touch a Ruby.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, you always getting in the RubyCube. Good, good. You're getting there.
SPEAKER_03:I'll you'll never let me out of the train set.
SPEAKER_04:I will never ever drop a box of toothpicks in front of you. Ever.
SPEAKER_03:Ever. What a mess.
SPEAKER_04:I know. Can you count toothpicks?
SPEAKER_03:I'm not a counter. That's OCD thing. Well, what's the who's the guy? Uh uh Dustin Hoffman.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, that's a that's not an autism thing. What is that? I think it's OCD.
SPEAKER_04:No, he had a thing. He was a good thing.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I don't know what it was. I don't remember. Chill. He had it. Now that guy had a fucking doctor. Now that guy had a thing. So did radio. I don't know what it was. You don't if like you're not a guy who counts cards. So I don't believe you have a thing. Again, just because you count cards doesn't mean you're autistic, fella.
SPEAKER_04:I know a couple of guys who really know how to count cards. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I know you're getting real fired up still. Um no, the fire is there. I'm fired up. It doesn't get more. And then you do the because it's like no matter what my behavior, you start imitating my behavior. You start mocking my behaviors.
SPEAKER_05:Well, I'm always mocking your behavior. That's the other thing. Echologia. That's another thing that I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:Echologia. Oh my goodness you were just pathologizing, just you being neurotic. That's all it is.
SPEAKER_03:There's things, there's things, there's words that explain the things that I do, and I go, yeah, I do that. Is that what I mean? I do that I have that? I would like to know if that's what that means. But it's not gonna fix you being a piece of shit. No, it would help me have tools for things that I can't control. No, you the tools are already out there. You don't need the label. Where's the tools? Uh go online and be like, how to be less autistic. Just Google it. You want to ask Google right now? Like how to be less autistic? If I would have thought of this question earlier in my life, it probably would be. How to be less autistic. It's crazy. You can.
SPEAKER_04:It can't be cured or lessened. However, there are strategies. Strategies. Um, understanding and accept your diagnosis. Ignore that part. Ignore that part.
SPEAKER_00:No, ignore that part.
SPEAKER_03:Ignore that part. I love the segments where Drew gets instantly shut down by his Google searches. Shut up, Google. It happens every time you do it. Connect with others. You don't like connecting with others. Oh, I love it. No, you don't. Not the good ones. Focus on self-advocacy. Learn to communicate your needs and assert your rights. Like right now, you're asserting your right to be assessed. To be assessed about a thing you don't have. Yeah. So that's great. Yeah. I support you in finding out that you're wasting your time. Medication. Would you take autism medication? I don't know if there is any. Uh well, it's I think they're just probably talking about uh I'd take a Zoloft if I could. I think they're just talking about blue chew. Some Lunesta? Yeah, exactly. A Lunesta and a Blue Chew call it a day. I think it's just blue chew, nest quick, and lunesta. That's all it is. It's just that sturdy cocktail. The holy trinity of autistic. Yeah, you're you're chalkyed and cocked. Chalky, cocky, and uh what's lunesta?
SPEAKER_01:I don't know what that one is. Is that a sleepy one?
SPEAKER_03:Is that a Spanish sleepy one? Yeah, I just like it because it was the at it was like this advertisement. It was like Lunesta, call your doctor today.
SPEAKER_05:And it was like this like neon purple translucent butterfly that would like fly by people's windows, and they're like, oh my god. Oh, but this butterfly would come by and just like land on them.
SPEAKER_01:They're like, oh, oh Lunesta.
SPEAKER_03:Oh and I remember watching that as a kid, like watching like you know, Nickelodeon. Like, why is this butterfly making them come? And just being like, oh man, that's gonna be the best nap ever. Like they just look so nice.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. These people who are terrible actors, by the way, they're like uh it's like come on. Real people fall asleep like this.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, for sure. Um so Lunesta, always funny to me. Never not funny. Do you ever are you a ZQL guy? Are you doing the uh I'm always lunasty? Uh oh, I'm a uh no, I don't even take sleep medication. I have no problem sleeping. I love sleeping.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, because you always need so much sleep.
SPEAKER_03:Everyone does. No, but you you what a weird thing to say, you dumbass. Everyone needs sleep. No, you need more than the rest of people because you never get enough. I need more sleep. You're like, I don't have problems with sleep because you're always sleep deprived. Okay, hey, hey, brother. Hey, brother. Again, I'm not your fucking mirror, pal. No, this is not a projection. Stop barking at me. Do you not get enough sleep? I could say I could use some more, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, there you go.
SPEAKER_03:I'm not saying that just saying you go, oh Drew, you're right. That's all I need to hear. No, no, no, no. Here's the thing here's the thing.
SPEAKER_05:I go, I go, yeah, I like sleep. And you go, because you don't get enough. I go, I just want to do it.
SPEAKER_04:No, that's not no, that's not what you said. You said you said, no, I fall asleep just fine. I'm like, yeah, because you only get 12 minutes of sleep.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, again, but I wasn't asking, like, why do I fall asleep just fine? I don't have a problem sleeping. Like, okay, you go, ooh, cool. Not fuck you. You need more sleep. Well, because I'm trying to, because you need to raise this family. And I'm doing a terrible job. You're you're throwing gas on your van while you're chilling. I just say you need sleep. If you go, if you're running over to get mason jars, what did you build the funnel out of? What did I build it out of? Did you like do it out of a magazine or something? You gotta- I have a real funnel. I have a real car thing for funnel. And that didn't work? Nah. Hmm. You see, did you go mace to fun? I went mace to to straight to the to think. Really? Yeah, it worked perfectly. Yeah, I guess those funnels are mainly for like oil changes and stuff. Yeah. Because you gotta get deep in there for these gases. Deep, deep funnel. Yeah. I was like looking for the turkey baster. I couldn't find it. Turkey baster.
SPEAKER_01:You would have tried.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I really would have.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Anything for your family.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. And I worked. Everything was fine. How much gas did you actually get in the car? Enough to get hot. I put one gallon into the floor.
SPEAKER_05:And then a quarter gallon into the car, and probably half a gallon onto the side of my car into the street. It's still there. Yeah. I drove by today. After it rained, still there, rainbow puddle.
SPEAKER_03:Still really? Oh no.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. Lit a match, ran away.
SPEAKER_03:Holy shit. The environment. Burned my neighbor's house down.
SPEAKER_04:The environment thanks you.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, well.
SPEAKER_04:I told you I saw that that neighbor who uh Yeah, I think we talked about that last time. I saw that neighbor who uh of yours were who we we found that stray dog and he's like, Yeah, I'll keep him. And then we walk we like left the situation being like, that guy's gonna kill that dog.
SPEAKER_05:Oh yeah, I remember that.
SPEAKER_04:He was like in the gas station getting a pack of uh like a 39 pack of Coors Lights. Damn. Or how what how however many come in there? I almost was like Hey, you remember me?
SPEAKER_05:Where's that fucking dog?
SPEAKER_04:Where's that fucking dog, huh? But I yeah, I I didn't have the I didn't have the gumption to do it. So I don't know.
SPEAKER_05:You're a coward, you know.
SPEAKER_04:Uh okay. Now you're just getting snappy at me. Now you're getting mad at me for no reason, you know?
SPEAKER_05:No, I just want you to stand up for yourself.
SPEAKER_01:Did you not want to do this podcast?
SPEAKER_03:Now an hour in, you're like, did you not want to do this? That's because I all you had to say is, hey, I didn't want to do one tonight, you know?
SPEAKER_00:That's all I had to say.
SPEAKER_03:That's all you had to say.
SPEAKER_05:I've been great. I've been feeling great all episode. And now an hour in, you're like, hey man, if you didn't want to do this, you didn't have to.
SPEAKER_01:Listen, there's a lot of points that you didn't feel great, and I'm worried about you.
SPEAKER_05:There's a lot of points I felt incredibly attacked for trying to figure out what's wrong with my mental health.
SPEAKER_03:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so you're you're having a mental health crisis.
SPEAKER_03:I wouldn't say crisis. You seem in crisis. I had a dog die, and it's fine.
SPEAKER_01:I literally googled. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put the fuck in. No, my god, it scares me every time. Every time you do it, I'm like, he's gonna do it.
SPEAKER_03:He's gonna forget the jazz hands.
SPEAKER_01:Are we gonna He's gonna forget the No, please, please, please jazz at the end.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. He's gonna forget the jazz hands. Yeah, it's scary. It's terrifying. What's that? The jazz hand salute? What do you call that? I don't there's gotta be some sort of a German. It's Jazz Hands with a G, but that's Ger the German. I don't know what the Jatsy? Jotsy? The Jatsy salute. Yeah, the Jatsy salute. There's two Z's. The Jazzy salute. Jazzy salute. There you go. It could be a good pod title. Yeah, maybe. Um I'm sorry to attack you. I just wanted to- No, I don't care. It's good podcasting. You do care, and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'm not hurt. You're hurt? No. But you don't want to admit that I am capable of hurting you.
SPEAKER_05:No, no. I am.
SPEAKER_01:Your big fucking autistic ego can't admit that I'm capable of hurting you. But what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry. I didn't mean to feel I just I just I'm worried.
SPEAKER_03:I'm like, when you when you when you act like that, then I can throw gasoline on my car? Yes, and then you go, and then you go, it must be autism. I'm like, well, sometimes you just throw gasoline on your car. I didn't say that that's what I thought it was because I was doing it. Actually, that's what you said. Oh yeah, that's that's right.
SPEAKER_04:That's what I'm like, oh that's the most autistic. I just I just go, RJ, you're better than this. You're smarter than this.
SPEAKER_03:No, I just again I'm just trying to make it still hurting you? Yes. Oh, I didn't I forget. I forget. I forget I literally Googled, I was I felt awful like all weekend, and I was like, what the fuck's wrong with me? And on Monday, I like like got home and I like was like Googled pet depression. Dead dead pet depression. Pet depression autism. Dead pet autism depression jazzy salute. Also jazzy salute circumcise questi number four. Yeah, resirk. Resirk operation question mark does resurc open blue shield, help the church sent me the suicide hotline.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's cracked. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_03:So I Google all that, and it's like, hey, buddy, like you're probably autistic.
SPEAKER_02:You probably should take this diagnosis.
SPEAKER_03:Oh my goodness. No, it was like, you know, pet grief is a thing, and also like don't white knuckle it, which I've only done.
SPEAKER_05:I'm like, well, yeah, I grieved my dog. It's like a month later.
SPEAKER_03:And that's the thing about you that that's the genuine worry I have for you is you white knuckle everything. No, yeah. Everything. I can't not. And what well, until now. Until now. May I hope I will I will make a promise to our friendship and to this podcast and to the listeners at home. If you get diagnosed with real fake autism, I will go only if you that leads you to stop white knuckling everything. And you promise to say that too. I say, I say you are such a good friend to promise to say that to you. I promise to say I'm not gonna help you. I'm not gonna help you at all. Shitty. Like I promise to say these words. It takes so long to make the point. You're like, hey, buddy, by the way, if this ends up happening, I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, I will say you good. You should do that. Good do the work. It's so dumb. That's great. It's that's good, it's being a good friend. It's good podcasting. No, it's be it's good friendship because that's me saying that I trust you support you supporting yourself. I go, but if it doesn't, but if it then I've like, stop being a fucking asshole. Exactly. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Cunt asshole bitch.
SPEAKER_03:Almost said the other one, you know. Yeah. You know. Um speaking of uh my wife sends me a meme.
SPEAKER_05:Okay, and I go, Oh, funny. Uh do you know do you follow this account that you send it from sent it from? She's like, no, it's a comedian who bombed after me at the belly room, and she's like, Really?
SPEAKER_03:And it was that that guy that I told you about. And she was like, Yes, oh we're that we're keeping him Yeah. I mean, I don't want to flavor it.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:We could be able to be able to zero another one. There's a lot of comics.
SPEAKER_00:More female fillet, like a fish.
SPEAKER_03:There's actually so there's a lot of female autism comics right now. Uh yeah. Yeah. What's this? Yeah, I don't know. Again, you're you're kind of you got that old school conservative mindset where you're like people just kind of name it and claim it. Because they do. Which is true.
SPEAKER_04:But the problem is uh here's the thing people are naming and claiming uh autism or depression or bipolar or multiple or it's the fucking uh it's whatever the one Pete Davis is. Polyamorous has polyamorous, uh whatever the thing is. Um but the problem is we don't know how many people are are um I'm not I'm not I there there's probably a lot of people that are faking it, and there's probably a lot of people that uh think they have a thing, but also they have not done anything else to put their life together and they're using it as an excuse for their bad behavior and would rather be a victim.
SPEAKER_03:And there's the people that like genuinely whatever have those things, or maybe they or maybe they have a thing that seems like that thing, but it's not that thing, so they've been misdiagnosed, because misdiagnoses happen all the time. What about what about Mr. Diagnose?
SPEAKER_04:Uh we don't support him anymore. It's only miss diagnose now, and and so I think the problem is is we have this whole melting pot, and we don't know how much of each of either there are, and everything is again every like culturally we're very uh cult everything's very mimetic.
SPEAKER_03:So like we we do things, we act, and we behave depending on the shit we were being t that's being taken in when we go on our phones or we watch TV or people are acting or a certain way or saying a certain thing, people are gonna start doing that. It's lingo, it's this or that. So it's like you know, that's just with every Like there's we know too we know too much lingo now, and so we start attaching a lot of these this verbiage that that is that is uh usually required to get uh a lot of uh multiple very lengthy, very obnoxious tests done, or to have multiple advanced degrees to be able to be like this is the label and I know and I have a depth of knowledge behind it. And then we we see it on a thing, we're like, I'm gonna attach myself to that thing. And yeah. So it's like, you know, and uh well in in the thing, in in in show business, it's good to have a thing. Oh yes. And some people wear it, some people really milk whatever their thing is, or their fake thing. In show business for sure, people will double down. I'm just afraid you're gonna become the autism comic. I would never say that.
SPEAKER_05:I wouldn't I again I if anything, I don't know why I haven't milked you know my Mexicanity.
SPEAKER_04:This is the Take Your Shoes Off podcast.
SPEAKER_05:It literally is, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:It literally is.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. I mean, it's a shame that we didn't get the name first.
SPEAKER_04:No, I like swallow daddies better.
SPEAKER_05:Good. Yeah, Glassman's got the same gig. I don't know why you're ADDing away from what we're in the middle of our conversation.
SPEAKER_04:What were we talking about?
SPEAKER_05:I was in the middle of a sentence.
SPEAKER_04:I think about getting tested for ADD.
SPEAKER_05:You think it about it?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. Hmm.
SPEAKER_05:I mean, I don't think you need to think about it.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, it's it's already there. But here's the thing I don't want to label myself.
SPEAKER_05:You don't don't label yourself.
SPEAKER_03:You can just tell that you have ADD because my entire life, the only people that are genuinely part of my inner circle and drawn to me as a person have full blown ADD. Well, what's the difference between ADD and ADHD? One's bad. One's honestly, I don't really notice the difference, but I some people are like a little more hyper, I think.
SPEAKER_05:I think that's what the age is.
SPEAKER_04:A D.
SPEAKER_05:Or helium. Attention deficit helium disorder. No, it's hyper.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Uh Hercules disorder.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, he's a he's half he's a demigod.
SPEAKER_03:Um his real mom. Yeah, exactly. Uh he's super fucking strong, just crushing people on accident.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, well, yeah, and I talked to my therapist. I'm like, I think I have this thing, but he he's uh so I'm like, let me if you could recommend me a book on this, so I could just start working on it.
SPEAKER_05:You're not a demigod.
SPEAKER_03:You're like, I know, but like But like look at me. But like, could you see these ads? But like, come on, let me let me let me just get different lighting in here. The kids call him cum gutters, boss. Yeah, exactly. I mean, doc. Doc, take a look at these things. Doc boss, you know. Doc boss. Yeah, whack whack. Uh, but um, yeah, so I don't know. I don't know. I think uh yeah, I hope you find what you're looking for.
SPEAKER_05:I look, at this point in my life, I just want to have tools to help me be a better person.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:You know? I don't want I don't want no fancy labels. I'm not gonna get out here and be like, hey, guess what? I'm I'm quasi uh autisipolar bear, you know.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, autisy polar bear. I was trying to combine a few things. Uh you um Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, are you gonna talk about it on the podcast when you figure out what you have? Considering it. Considering it. Opening up to the world.
SPEAKER_05:I think it's I mean, uh my barometer for what I bring up on the podcast is how funny is it really?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Cause obviously there's things that that aren't worth bringing up because it's like too real. The next podcast, you're like, I have schizophrenia. Next podcast, I'm like, I have uh pancreatic cancer. Exactly. Stage nine, they didn't even know it was that. Turns out uh the whole it's not autism, it's cancer. It's actually, it's it's actually they didn't even know there is a stage nine of pancreatic cancer. Yeah, it's uh I'm the first stage nine patient.
SPEAKER_04:It's bad. They say I have seconds. Yeah, shit.
SPEAKER_02:He called it seconds.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, come on now.
SPEAKER_03:That's a good bit.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, there we're working on it. Okay. We're getting there. Did you write any jokes for this podcast?
SPEAKER_03:No, I was it was day late and a dollar short.
SPEAKER_04:It's okay. It happens.
SPEAKER_03:I'll just save those jokes that I never said last time and the time before.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, we'll get a good we'll get another one on Friday.
SPEAKER_03:You have anything to plug other than uh bragging about doing the the This will be next week.
SPEAKER_05:I'm gonna be at Kill Arney's in Huntington Beach on a Friday.
SPEAKER_03:I think Bellflower that Saturday. Um Killarne's.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, you're doing that thing every fucking time now. Is it every week?
SPEAKER_05:It's every month. I I I gave him a list of comics. Yeah, but they don't give a shit, you know. No, he did, because he said, give me good comics to book, and he booked one of them off my list. Roast battle.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, yeah, we got that next week.
SPEAKER_05:We have roast battle at the this time next week. This will come out in the morning and he'll be like, wait, what are we can go to LA tonight and still see RJ and Drew do a roast battle? Yes, get on, get in your car, go!
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, go even go now.
SPEAKER_05:It's it's noon.
SPEAKER_03:Leave. If you're in Vegas, you can make it.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah, that's true.
SPEAKER_03:If you're in San Francisco, you can make it. Yeah. If you leave now. How are we gonna top that last one? Let's not even worry about it. Let's just have fun, you know? Let's just get up there and have fun. Let's be the let's be whatever we want. Would you want my answer? No, sorry. What were you saying? I was gonna I was gonna say all those things, but it's just funny. You you tend to you tend to ask a question. Well, I'm just saying, like uh almost as if you don't really care. I'm really at no, because I'm asking the question to myself to kind of get me going, but I do it at you. No, it's okay. We're both external processors in that way. No, again, another label doesn't make any sense. External processor isn't a mental disease. Yeah. That's a that's a fucking that's that's like a the the little thing you attach to your laptop to have more memory. I kept, you know what's funny? You said that, and I kept thinking mental disorder. I'm like, why would you attach a mental disorder to your computer? Oh my god, you are autistic. Uh no. That's the only thing is like it was like, do you have trouble processing jokes?
SPEAKER_05:And I was like, no, as long as it makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But like if it doesn't make sense, I'm like, why the fuck would you attach a mental illness to your computer? Yeah, I got 12 gigabytes of uh of uh fucking uh Down syndrome that I'm putting Oh shit. Terabyte of accession. I'm gonna Yeah, I got a couple terabytes of fucking bipolar and uh fucking uh suicidal tendencies. Uh I'm hosting proof bar. Is that anything? I'm gonna be hosting the proof bar show.
SPEAKER_03:On Thursday?
SPEAKER_05:Uh on Thursday at the end of the month.
SPEAKER_03:Nice, that'll be fun. Then I'm gonna be in New York. Very bad voice. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Don't get worked up. It's the end of the pod. We're over, it's done. In New Oh, God, it got worse. Try again. Don't fake it.
SPEAKER_02:Oh no. I'm off my game. Oh no. No. No, no.
SPEAKER_03:Jazz. Jazz. No, I'm I can't. I lost my face. Come on. No, you haven't. I lost my Alicia keys. I need Alicia.
SPEAKER_04:Take a breath. Close your eyes.
SPEAKER_02:In new. Yeah, it's like a thing.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. We should get dual soundboards so we can fucking jazz hand each other.
SPEAKER_03:Just jazz each other off. I think it could work if we had like a. I mean, we we'll cut this all out, but I think it could work if we had that far.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I would get way too trigger happy. It's a good thing you have all the sounds. Yeah. Yeah, that would be the worst. I would turn into red bar quick. Yeah.
